In case you’ve been under a rock for the past 36 months, times outside are not the best right now. Both large and small businesses alike are closing their doors on a routine basis and more people finding themselves without employment. It’s hard for anyone to have a good outlook on anything right now. Energy levels are at an all time low and the near future seems as dark as the current so what can be done? I propose some significant changes that each of us can enjoy and benefit from and quite frankly should have been placed into law a long time ago.
1. Carpentry, plumbing, and electrical courses would be mandatory for all girls and boys in middle school.
2. Diane Lane would replace Andrew Jackson on the $20.00 bill.
3. No more time outs in college or professional ball games; life doesn’t have them and neither should coaches.
4. Each of the following would be tax deductable: TV sports packages, alcoholic beverages, Rolex watches, automobiles capable of 150 MPH made in Germany and all cost related to the pursuit of sex up to and including private jets and mega yachts.
5. Caddies would be prohibited on the PGA tour. No other sports allow for a butler/ shrink on the field with them and besides what would this person do if they had this position in football?
6. Men would be permitted to get lost when on a trip and women would find this hot.
7. Movie viewers would be forbidden to call a flick the funniest movie of the year until the following year.
8. Parent/ teacher conferences would include nachos and tequila shooters.
9. Singing happy birthday at the work place or restaurant would result in a severe butt whipping or immediate termination (which ever is worse).
10. Lastly and my favorite if you set out to climb Mt. Everest wearing a peace t-shirt, open toed sandals and shorts then have to be rescued by 2 dozen emergency workers, 3 helicopters and a team of Alaskan Husky’s, your marginal tax rate would raise to 89% until you’ve repaid the total cost of being an idiot.