Tips for the Obligatory Tradition of Visiting Relatives
-Do your best to stay at a hotel, motel, inn or RV; avoiding the necessity to share a bathroom with other relatives.
-Dress appropriately at all times, this includes teens, young adults and aging ex-hookers.
-Yes, you have to hold the newest baby in the family.
-Expect the annual hug and kiss and pinching of the cheeks from an over zealous relative.
-You are not allowed to complain about the food. The only exception to this is the normal good natured jokes about Fruit Cake.
-Expect someone to wear the lampshade after drinking to excess.
-It is common for the elderly to smell foul, choose your seating arrangements accordingly.
-Never discuss sex, politics or religion!
-It is normal for teenagers to shrug and moan when you ask them direct questions.
-Teens may not hear you ask any questions because they have headphones firmly affixed to their ears in an attempt to drown out the adults anyway.
-We all have relatives we are not fond of, simply remember your manners.
-Never position yourself in a room where you cannot easily escape conversations.
-Set up a text signal with a trusted friend or a hand signal with another family member who will immediately phone you on your cell with a call that you “absolutely must take!” This will get you out of just about any uncomfortable situation.
-Find comfort knowing that all families have one member that think they know it ALL!
-Expect to hear, “I haven’t seen you since you were ________!”
-Expect to say, “I haven’t seen you since _________________!”
The pecking order for chores is as follows:
-The oldest family members and guests are expected to do nothing!
-Women share in the kitchen tasks.
-Men will only assist with chores when the football game is not on the television or being played in the yard.
-Teenagers will set the table with the guidance of a host family appointee.
-The youngest of the adults should offer to clear the table and wash the dishes, while the host family directs where to store the leftovers and where to return the dishes that are hand washed and dried. However, this demographic generally disappears to the closest bar before dessert is even served leaving the clearing of the holiday feast to anyone willing to help.
-Children aged 12 to 18 are expected to watch and entertain any children aged two and up.
-Designate an adult to be aware of what the teens are doing if they keep “disappearing” or “wondering off.”
-The parents of infants will be minding the baby and are permitted to escape grueling tasks… this year.
-Parents of infants in disposable diapers are responsible for continually taking out the garbage.
What to bring:
-All goofy holiday attire received from a family member last Christmas.
-Bring your own alcoholic beverages in a stocked cooler with ice and anything else you “must” have and prefer not to share.
-Since this is similar to a family reunion, condoms should not be necessary.
-Plastic cups, paper towels, trash bags, and paper plates, this is not the weekend to become a tree hugger.
-Bring wrapped appropriate gifts to exchange as tradition dictates for your family.
-Include a small token of appreciation for the hosting family.
Remember, you cannot choose your relatives nor did they choose you!
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!
You can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!
