• new-leaderboard-searchamelia2016

Isn’t It Time to Make Your Life Work to Your Advantage?

Decide Who You Are and What You Want!

Decide Who You Are and What You Want!

The greatest enemy to living in the moment and making things work for you is the perception of the past and the future, combined with assumptions that form in our mind as factual reality, but never actually occur.
So many of us are bogged down by the bad things that have happened to us, and our mind set is that we remain a victim to those things that happened. You are only a victim as long as you allow yourself to be, or even worse, as long as you make yourself one. There are people who revel in being a victim, because that’s all they’ve ever known, they are comfortable in their habits, and they have committed their lives to staying there as long as they live.
Don’t be one of those people. Don’t be stuck milling over a painful world that you went through, and therefore have no future.

And the other great enemy of your happiness is what can happen in the future but never does. Some people live their lives dreaming of what might be, that never comes. There are people who are living for the day they win that lottery, and every night they sit in front of the TV with great anticipation hoping that their numbers will come in, while their bills continue to stack up. There is nothing wrong with playing the lottery, but meanwhile, getting a job that will pay your bills is far more pragmatic.

Living must be an active process, and if you don’t keep up with it, it will take you over. Living is growing, changing, circulating your vitals and finding new worlds while you change the old ones. Living is actively getting off your butt and into the mess, learning, moving, becoming a force in yourself instead of being taken over by it.  Sit in that miserable job for years and accept that comfortable paycheck and one day you realize that life has passed you by. Stay in that miserable marriage without doing something about it and one day you realize that life is passing you by. Time waits for no man, and as time goes by, you suddenly see that you have wasted what could have been active choices and abundant living. You are only given your life once, and that’s why today is called “the present.” Take your present, unwrap it, and enjoy it.

There is only one way to overcome the inheritance of a bad past or the hopeless end of a future that never comes, and that is to live in the “Now”, to enjoy the present in all its glory. In fact, it is only by living in the present that you have any power to make your life and the lives of those around you better. If you live in the past, you live in a world that no longer exists, except that you are giving the past power that it never had over you to suddenly be alive again by reliving it, making you and everyone around you miserable again with whatever it was that happened that makes you so unhappy.

And if you live in the future, you definitely live in a world that doesn’t exist, and who knows what is going to happen then, although you can be pretty certain that it will not be what you think.
Living in the present gives you power to do something about your life and the lives of others around you. You can activate choice, and you can do it immediately. You can chose to motivate yourself, to move out into that cruel world and make it better. If you need to get a better job, now is the time. If you need to love your kids, now is the time. If you need to get a better understanding of God, now is the time. If you need to make amends with some of your friends, now is the time. If you need to enjoy their company, now is the time. If that car needs fixing, now is the time. If you need a better place to live, now is the time. If you need to get out of that unhappy relationship, now is the time. You are not going to live forever. In fact, the only thing you know for sure is that you are living right now. So start living!

What are you waiting for? To win the lottery? Are you waiting for your children to grow up and get out of the house? Are you waiting for more money to fall from the sky, or for the moment when you will finally leave some poor memories behind, or for Prince Charming to come along on his horse and scoop you up and take you to his castle? Well, it’s not going to happen until you make it happen.
So make it happen!

Stop whatever it is you’re doing for a moment and listen to the wind against the trees. See how they sway, how they enjoy the breeze, how they take in every moment without worry and enjoy their existence. Look at the clouds and see their glory: They revel in their existence. Listen to the people around you that are within earshot: Those are the people you need to interact with right now, those are the people who may need your help or vice versa! Help them. Stop thinking about how you were such a victim in the past. Get into the present and grab your time. Don’t worry about what problems you might face in the future. Instead, take the Power of Now and influence that future to be in your favor by the choices you make today, right now.

The greatest power of the present is its ability to influence the future by the choices you make today. Like Nike’s famous slogan Just Do It! Decide what you want to do, what you need to do, and do it, NOW!

Locals go all out for Chef’s Benefit Concert and Auction

thomas tolxdorf benefitA flood of donations for the Chef Thomas Tolxdorf Benefit Concert and Auction has led to the organizers starting out the Benefit held at the Green Turtle Sunday afternoon at 2:30pm.

A flood of auction and raffle items have been donated by local individuals and businesses, so much that raffles and auctions have to be spread throughout the afternoon and early evening in 4 raffle breaks and 2 Live auctions in between the music performances. “It’s amazing,” says TJ Seaton, the auction and raffle coordinator, “how many people have given for this cause. I’m still getting phone calls with donations today (Saturday). The retail value of all donated items has far surpassed $13,000. We’re proud of our community.”

Island Vibe will start off the benefit at 2:30, while throughout the afternoon being joined by Chris Kellam and drummer Neal Gupton of Jacksonville’s famous rock band Blistür, local singer Jennifer Burns and guitarists Joel Venditti and Sheila Johnson and several of the Fernandina Beach Farmer’s Market performers.

Ritz Carlton Amelia Island’s Executive Chef Thomas tragically passed away in a car accident last June and this tribute benefit is a 100% donation geared towards supporting his wife and two young sons in this difficult time.

Below is a yet unfinished list of auction and raffle items donated so far.
The Green Turtle and adjacent Florida House Inn will open the stage area in the back for this event, something that ordinarily opens only during Shrimp Festival Weekend. We are ready for a large audience. Please come and join. Food will be available for free but donations are welcome.

The printed Thomas Tolxdorf T-shirts and Coffee Mugs are donated by P5 Productions and are for sale at respectively $20 and $10 each. Rain checks will be available when we run out. Bring cash, CC, DC or Checks.

AUCTION ITEMS (all bidding starts at the reserve prices)

From $100 Gift Certificates to $2,500 Initiation Fees
• Omni Plantation, Dinner for Two at The Verandah Restaurant
• Omni Plantation, Brunch for Two at Sunrise Cafe Restaurant
• Omni Plantation, Two Night Stay for Two in Deluxe Ocean-View Room
• The Ritz Carlton Amelia Island, One Night Stay for Two
• The Ritz Carlton Amelia Island Spa, Gift Certificate
• Amelia River Golf Club, Foursome of Golf
• Amelia River Golf Club, Waiver of Initiation Fee
• Second Amendment Outfitters Gift Card
• Scott & Sons Jewelers Wristwatch
• Amelia Boat Club & Rentals, 2-hour Boat Rental
• Andrea Wallace of Cormier Salon Gift Certificate
• Paul Laubach, Car Detailing Certificate
• Artist Charlie Weisenborn “COCKTAIL” 12×12 original oil on canvas
• Joe’s 2nd Street Bistro, Gift Card
• One Year Advertising Banner on Search Amelia
• Authentic Piece of the Berlin Wall
• Cooking With Intuition Cookbook and Brewery Tour
• Amelia Oceanfront Bed & Breakfast, Two Night Stay for Two
• Farmer’s Market Basket
• One Year (52 Heads) of Hydroponic Grown Lettuce
• The Ritz Grand Cayman (Two Night Stay for 2) & Six-Course Dinner for 2
• Oyster Roast for 8 People, Hosted by Ange Wallace
• Well Traveled Living, Gas Patio Heater
• Collector’s Box Set of Pink Floyd’s The Wall
• Matted & framed “Doors of Amelia” poster

RAFFLE Items ( 1 for $1 / 6 tickets for $5 / 12 tickets for $10 / 25 tickets for $20 )

From 25.00 Gift Cards to 120.00 Matted Art to a Signed Electric Guitar
• The Surf Restaurant Gift Card
• Red Otter Outfitters Gift Card
• Michele McMurray Peterson, 7 jars of homemade jams, jellies, fruit in sea grass basket
• Speakeasy Vaporium Gift Certificate
• Hot Paws Pet Grooming, Spa & Resort Gift Basket
• The Surf Restaurant Gift Card
• Artistic Flowers Gift Card
• Retail Therapy Gift Certificate
• Mandi Vest of Janet Lynn Salon Gift Certificate
• Artistic Flowers, Designer Snowman
• The Surf Restaurant Gift Card
• Michele McMurray Peterson, 7 jars of homemade jams, jellies, fruit in sea grass basket
• Nate & Sassy’s Gourmet Granola Basket
• Joleen Jensen of Cormier Salon Gift Certificate
• Michele McMurray Peterson, 7 jars of homemade jams, jellies, fruit in sea grass basket
• The Surf Restaurant Gift Card
• Sandra Baker-Hinton of Amelia SanJon Gallery, 16×20 Matted Baby Turtle Picture
• GG’s Bistro, Dinner for Two
• Amelia River Cruises, Two Tickets for your choice of Cruises
• Omni Plantation Oceanside Restaurant, Dinner for Two
• Michele McMurray Peterson, 9 jars of homemade jams, jellies, fruit in sea grass basket
• Victoria Cochrane of Cormier Salon Gift Certificate
• Artistic Flowers Christmas Basket (items can be exchanged at store)
• Micato Safaris Lion Head Cufflinks
• TWO – 13×15 Matted Art Prints by Sidney Carter Creations
• Red Lacquer Washburn Electric Guitar with soft case, Signed by Musicians Playing Today

3rd Annual Trees For Troops

3rd Annual Trees For Troops The 3rd Annual Trees for Troops hopes to provide at least 100 lighted, two-foot Christmas Trees, presents and filled stockings to United States military troops serving in the Middle East.

Hosted by Mothers of America’s Military Fallen, Spc Kelly J. Mixon Foundation, Inc. is a 501(c)3 tax expempt not-for-profit organization established in Kelly’s memory. He grew up in Nassau County, Florida and graduated FBHS in 2005. Kelly was killed in action in Afghanistan on December 8, 2010.

Donations ideas include:
LIghted and decorated 2-ft artificial trees (Non breakable ornaments, please.)
Beef jerky
Summer sausage
Tuna packets
Crackers
Hard Candy
Granola bars
Hot cocoa packets
Boxed cookies
Gum
Lip balm
and more…

Trees for Troops will be held at Maxwell Hall, Memorial United Methodist Church on Saturday, November 1, from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm. Located at 601 Centre Street, there will be a “drop off” service available on North Sixth Street.

Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

What is Avatar ?

HomePageArtA couple of weeks ago I was introduced to a young lady who was looking for a peaceful space to organize an Avatar Course at the Inn. Being that we’re located directly on a stretch of the Amelia Island beach that must be the quietest, yet not too remote, she was wondering if she could rent some rooms for several course days and have participants stay in this relaxed atmosphere. I was not surprised about this request, as we have hosted book author clubs, painters clubs, bicycle clubs and small corporate retreats over the past couple of years, as well as numerous weddings and vow renewals, all staying for the same beach qualities. Since I had only a general perception about what Avatar as a self help course entails, I asked island newcomer Gretchen Clark to explain.

Here is her answer.

Do you have areas of your life that you would like to improve?

The Avatar Materials are an awesome technology that I found out about “accidentally” and then realized: “If the whole world knew THIS, we would have a different world.”

I am Gretchen Clark. I have had over 18 years of personal experience using the Avatar tools to create exactly what I want in my life. Since 2000 I have traveled the country and guided 100’s of others in these powerful simple exercises to empower them in taking responsibility for creating the lives they love. The magic is apparent everywhere in my life. I created a highly successful Salon in Shreveport Louisiana, trained dozens of Stylists, raised my children in our dream home complete with hidden passageways, and hockey rinks. I traveled the world from the Isles of the Caribbean Ocean to the ruins of ancient Egypt, exploring every place I wanted. At age 48, I retired with immense gratitude, so I could be more available to share Avatar with the world. I know that what we need in this world is more happy people following and actualizing their dreams into realities.

The Avatar® Course, created by Harry Palmer in 1987, shows you how your thoughts and beliefs create and attract the experience of life you are living. You learn how to change your beliefs and attract new experiences. The Avatar Course is a set of tools that you can learn in 9 short days that will equip you with the ability to investigate and explore your own consciousness and experience yourself as the creator of that consciousness with the ability to change it.

Along the way, you become happier, smarter, healthier, more compassionate, more tolerant, have greater integrity and gain the power to influence others for the good. It is a win – win for you and the world. You can’t experience it by reading about it, but it is a good place to start…
Check out these books available at http://avatarbookstore.com/, or your favorite book retailer.
“Living Deliberately” and “The Avatar Path, The Way We Came.”, both by Harry Palmer

Call me to try out one of the mini-courses, and start to get a feel for this amazing, awakening work. Then sign up for a course. Avatar is taught in more than 70 countries, and lucky for us “Floridians”, all of the international courses are offered in Orlando. And since I moved to Amelia Island, I also offer Section 1 of the 9-day Avatar course, the 2 day Resurfacing® Workshop in beautiful historic Fernandina Beach.

Come and join the adventure!
NEXT COURSE: Nov 1-9 in Orlando Florida

Call for more information…
Gretchen Clark
318-773-5046
www.AvatarForChange.com

Paul Leonard to Give Motivational Talk

Paul Leonard to Give Motivational TalkOn October 26, from 4:00-6:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church of Fernandina Beach, Paul will give a motivational talk with readings from his new book, When the Spirit Moves, followed by Q&A and light refreshments. The event is also a fund raising effort in which Paul will be donating a portion of the proceeds from each book sold to benefit “The Hope House”, a project of The Salvation Army. The event is free and open to the public.

Also, Paul will have a talk and book signing at The Book Loft from 1:00-4:00 pm on October 25, 2014.

In When the Spirit Moves, a book of poems, essays and vignettes about the yearnings, appreciation, and frustrations ever present in human existence, the author invites readers to move forward into meaningful life by embracing their spiritual gifts. In many of the pieces, When the Spirit Moves is a fresh approach to psalms and parables from the New Testament.

Paul’s book invites us to explore the gamut of human experience, but ends with the comfort of constancy. Tom Ross, President of the University of North Carolina, says of When the Spirit Moves, “Paul Leonard, through his stories and poetry, helps all of us understand ourselves… our doubts, disappointments, joy, perspectives, relationships and values, and shows us how faith, trust, love and commitment can lead us to lead more meaningful lives.”

With an undergraduate degree from Davidson College, a Bachelor of Divinity from University of Chicago, and Masters in Business from Emory University, Paul has held a number of positions throughout his career to foster improvements in housing for those in need. He was elected to the Board of Habitat for Humanity International in October 1995 and served as Chairman of the Board from December, 2001 to December, 2003. Paul also became the Interim CEO of Habitat for Humanity from June, 2004 through October, 2005. Today, he is a member of the US Council for Habitat for Humanity International and currently serves as Chairman of the Board of Directors for Crosland Interests, LLC, a real estate development company in Charlotte and as a director for Crowder Construction, a civil, environmental and industrial construction company in Charlotte, NC.

Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

Outdoor Lighting Ideas For Your Backyard

Outdoor Lighting Ideas For Your BackyardMaking your backyard space bright and inviting can be achieved by using pole lighting. Once relegated to curbside appeal of the front yard, lighting poles utilized in a back yard can also create magic behind your home as well. With the right type of lighting, you can achieve a dramatic outdoor room that can be enjoyed throughout the year.

Lighting Poles

A lighting pole is a light fixture, usually constructed of weather resistant materials, mostly aluminum or steel and is constructed to resist elements. The pole can either house the wiring and controls that lead to the light fixture that it supports or serve as a base for a self-contained unit such as a solar, candle or other type of self-powered light.

Lighting poles can either attach to an existing structure with mounting brackets or be freestanding. An outdoor lighting pole can make a dramatic statement about your home or business as well as illuminating an area for visibility and safety.

lamp-post-cropWith Outdoor lighting poles and fixtures are becoming less expensive, create a vintage, gaslight look with a post light or hanging lantern that hails back to a bygone era. This French outdoor accent light is both beautiful and functional. Fulham ballasts are used for light fixtures to provide simple and hassle free process.

When decorating an outdoor space, choosing the right type of lighting poles can be important. This Asian or Craftsman style lantern is beautiful in nearly any type of landscaping project and gives off an aura of mystery.

The warm glow evocative of the desert is especially alluring when coupling a Moorish lamp that has been electrified and suspended as part of a lighting pole. The cut-outs in the lamp cast beautiful patterns on walls and around green spaces.

You can construct your own lighting poles and string cafe or even Christmas lighting to light up your patio, deck or garden space by using lighting poles constructed of electrical conduit, conduit pipe straps and end caps. (http://brightjuly.blogspot.com/2012/09/diy-outdoor-string-lights.html) You can even use wooden poles to hold the conduit straps and hold your lighting in place. You can anchor these by attaching them to your deck or putting them in the ground or large planter pots.

These are just a few different choices in using lighting poles to give patio entertaining its own special glow.

Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

Parental Welfare is as Bad as it Gets

bratI often catch people, friends, family  and acquaintances, in heated conversations about how this country has been turned into a welfare state, with millions of beggars living off the state’s coffers. Most of them in every day life, operate substantially to the right of the political spectrum. Most of them are sufficiently educated, hard working, god fearing family men and women with high standards of morality and respect. Many of them have children in early to grown adult categories and many have no clue that their behavior and actions steal from their kids’ futures.

If you’re thinking:”I’d never take anything from my children”, let me assure you I’m not talking about “borrowing” from their piggy bank or savings account. I’m talking about robbing your kids of the tools they’ll need to live ambitious, independent lives.

And that’s what I call “parental welfare.”

Parental welfare starts with something as simple as paying for your teenager’s gasoline without the need for any counter performance. Or it could be as damaging as paying the living expenses of adult children.
Parental welfare is like lifting weights for your children… and thinking they’ll get stronger for it. That’s exactly what you do each time you “deny” them an opportunity to struggle and learn how to do and earn things on their own.

Parental welfare is a form of theft of the worst kind as it robs your children of the same life lessons that taught you how to become an income earner or wealth creator. It robs your children of the motivation to succeed. It denies them the opportunity to find the joy of work. And it eliminates the productive pain that goes hand-in-hand with learning how to be self-sustaining adults.

Showering your kids with all that they desire is destructive. It turns young children into needy tyrants… who grow up to be needy, whining adult tyrants. Instead let your children work for their needs and desires outside of the obvious tools that come with parenting. And most of all….let them fail!! Be there to offer encouragement, but …do not ‘deny’ them the heavy lifting required to create productive lives of their own. It’s the only way to prepare them…even if you’re accused of “Tough Love”.

Wallace Pierson Travel Promotes Fundraiser for Boys & Girls Club

SONY DSC

Lively Luxury Travel Show

Wallace Pierson Travel, the Virtuoso Travel Advisors on Amelia Island, have organized a Luxury Travel Show at the Ritz Carlton, Amelia Island for the past 5 years, the admission proceeds of which are in its entirety donated to the causes of the Boys and Girls Clubs of Nassau County Foundation.

This year’s show which will be held on Saturday November 8, comes with a slight twist as Wallace Pierson Travel has organized a PRE-SHOW RAFFLE of five hundred $10 tickets, that not only serve as show admission, but also makes purchaser eligible to win One of Two One Night Stays at the Ritz Carlton, Amelia Island for the night of the show on November 8, 2014

For details check out below flyer and call Wallace Pierson Travel to buy one or more Raffle Tickets. (904) 261 5914.

Searchamelia Boys and Girls

 

Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19

Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19Well, Blow me down! Friday, September 19, any buccaneer to enter a participating Krispy Kreme and talk like a pirate gets one FREE Original Glazed® doughnut. To the landlubber who dares to wear full pirate attire goes a bounty of one FREE dozen Original Glazed doughnuts.

Offer good on International Talk Like a Pirate Day, September 19th, only.

Here are the closest locations to Fernandina Beach:

    7612 Merrill Rd.
    12973 Atlantic Boulevard
    810 Cassat Ave.
    11117 San Jose Blvd.

To claim yer bounty on September 19, ye must:
• Come in to a participating Krispy Kreme shop and Talk like a pirate for one FREE Original Glazed doughnut.
• Come in to a participating Krispy Kreme location in full pirate costume for one FREE dozen Original Glazed doughnuts.

Qualifying pirate costumes must include three or more of the items below:

    Eye Patch
    Pirate Hat
    Pirate Flag
    Bandana
    Peg Leg
    Parrot on Shoulder
    Pirate Shirt / Loose white shirt
    Knickers
    Leather belt
    Silver and gold necklaces and earrings
    Pirate Hook
    Pointy black boots or ragged brown sandals
Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

Book Yourself and Start Earning Money Today

Book Yourself and Start Earning Money TodayI have a very resourceful relative who has been out of steady work for a bit of time. Well, she decided to make money by booking herself and Boy, did it pay off! Here is her simple plan if you want to try and make some dependable cash income for yourself.

She took out an advertisement in a local pet friendly magazine that went something like this:

Personal Assistant, she listed her name, two contact numbers and an email address.

Next, she listed all of the things she is good at by category.
Household: Laundry, packing, unpacking, drop off or pick-up services, party preparations, plant watering, light cleaning, light food preparation and so on.
Pet Related: Dog walking, feeding, brushing, visiting, administering medications and the like.
Do It Yourself: Curtain rod and picture hanging, organizing closets, cleaning the garage, light gardening, and rearranging furniture.
Seamstress: Hemming, mending, alterations if you have lost weight and can no longer wear your favorite clothing.
Computers: Introduction to, email, surfing the web, data entry, basic filing.

Near the end of the ad she put in big bold letters, WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

She closed with the basic detailed information regarding her fees and expectations, “12.00 per hour, not a health care provider nor strictly a cleaning service.”

She is booked six days a week for the next ten weeks and is thrilled with the variety of work she is doing. She is working for herself, setting her own hours, and extremely happy.

If someone calls for something she cannot do, she will admit that right up front, also she does not take risks. Anything dangerous or hazardous she wants no part of, but she has turned out to be quite the entrepreneur.

So, the next time you find yourself whining because you cannot find a job, simply make one for yourself based on your own set of skills. As you can see in this example, when you think about it, you have plenty of talent that others will pay you for. Start today and make money by booking yourself.

Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

Things I noticed After a Week’s Vacation

Dangerous Ambiguity on a dark night

Dangerous Ambiguity on a dark night

After a week’s vacation on Anna Maria Island I must confess that the world looks even more ambiguous than before.
J.G Ballard wrote a while back that “The marriage of reason and nightmare which has dominated the 20th century has given birth to an ever more ambiguous world. Across the communications landscape move the specters of sinister technologies and the dreams that money can buy. Thermonuclear weapons systems and soft drink commercials coexist in an overlit realm ruled by advertising and pseudo events, science and pornography. Over our lives preside the great twin leitmotifs of the 20th century—sex and paranoia.”

So when I read that New York City’s law enforcement arrests some guys operating a “drone” near the George Washington Bridge with the accusation that they interfered with a Police Helicopter, while an Air Traffic Control Report now clearly shows that it was the helicopter threatening the drone, I feel ambiguity creeping up the base of my neck; even more so when I notice on my beach walk right here on our beach some guys operating remote controlled drones with HD Digital cameras and I wonder the potentially compromising personal pictures they can take of scantily dressed sunbathers and post them online. Am I a weirdo for thinking that or should guilt be shared with Ballard’s observation above?? 

Ambiguity can refer to a statement, an act or an attitude. Let’s see if you can find examples of this in the following list:
1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA…… FLOOR.
2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.
3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?
4. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.
5. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.
6. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
7. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?
8. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?
9. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?
10. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO “GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?”
11. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?
12. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?
13. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?
14. WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL BREAK-IN AND CLEAN THEM?
15. IF A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?
16. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?
17. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?
18. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?
19. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?
20. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?
21. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
22. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?
23. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?
24. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?
25. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
26. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?
27. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?
28. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?
29. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?
30. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?
31. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?
32. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE BECOME DISORIENTED?
33. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?
34. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, ‘GUIDE DOGS ONLY’, THE DOGS CAN’T READ AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?

And just for good measure and to show that Ballard’s observation has an eternal application, here are 5 sketches that confirm that sex and paranoia are still male leitmotivs in the 21st century. Enjoy.

A Teacher and the Missing School Desks

 A Teacher and the Missing School DesksThe original author is unknown:

In September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a History teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks in her classroom.

When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks. “Ms. Cothren, where are our desks?”

She replied, “You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn the right to sit at a desk.”

They thought, “Well, maybe it’s our grades.”

“No,” she said.

“Maybe it’s our behavior.” She told them, “No, it’s not even your behavior.”

And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom. Kids called their parents to tell them what was happening and by early afternoon television news crews had started gathering at the school to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.

The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the desk-less classroom. Martha Cothren said, “Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he or she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I am going to tell you.”

At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it. Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniform, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall. By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.

Martha said, “You didn’t earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. They went halfway around the world, giving up their education and interrupting their careers and families so you could have the freedom you have. Now, it’s up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education. Don’t ever forget it.”

By the way, this is a true story. And this teacher was awarded the Veterans of Foreign Wars Teacher of the Year for the State of Arkansas in 2006. She is the daughter of a WWII POW.

Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

The Dutch Live in The Netherlands not Holland

Screen shot 2014-07-09 at 7.05.10 AMWith so much attention given to the world championship Soccer and today’s semi final game between Argentina and The Netherlands, I wanted to share a video that  explains in more accurate detail the truth behind the confusing relationships between Dutch, Hollander and Netherlander. Beware however that there still are a few inaccuracies.

 

The North and South Holland provinces are the most densely populated, but the most people live in Noord Brabant statistically. Also the ‘cute hearts’ on the flag of Friesland are actually the leaves of a waterplant, the Caribbean island Curacao is pronounced kurasow, like the Japanese director. The Netherlands or Lowlands (Lage Landen or Pays Bas) are also a specification of a region which includes what is now The Kingdom of Belgium, which was until 1830 part of the Kingdom of The Netherlands. The Netherlands as we define it now however, were never in its entirity called United States of Belgium. Whoever came up with that idea is weird.

Oh and Dutch (Diets), is really pronounced ‘Deets’) and Deutsch, allthough the words look quite similar and have a shared etymology, sound different and mean something different, they are in fact very different things.  Dutch, or indeed more correct ‘Diets’ refers to the languages spoken in a populated region of forrests and swamps between rivers, which are now part of The Netherlands in the late Middle Ages. The word Diets, Dutch or the original Frisian Duutsc really means “from the people”.  Deutsch is just another word for ‘from Germany’. It’s a bit like the difference between the word ‘Man’ and the region ‘Maine’ . Confusing ? Yes but when you realise you pronounce Dutch like ‘touch’ and Deutsch like ‘doytsch’ it’s a bit simpler really to notice the differences…

And to put it all in perspective so you won’t have to ask me anymore about my native country, the entire Netherlands is about 1/4 the size of Florida, houses about 17 million people and soccer is the national pride. If you don’t believe me than watch this video from my province’s capital city of Maastricht, where famous native son André Rieu celebrates the national soccer team one day after they beat Spain 5-1, with songs all the Dutch know and sing out loud when the World Cup plays out: Hup Holland Hup. And that’s what they need today when facing Argentina for a chance to have another facedown with Germany in the finals, like in 1974 in Munich Germany, where they lost 2-1.

Ms Senior Jacksonville Pageant 2014

Ms Senior Jacksonville Pageant 2014Fernandina Beach local, Crystal Molchan, is a contestant in the Ms Senior Jacksonville Pageant 2014.

Hosted by A Seasoned Affair, Inc., they assist seasoned women through education, empowerment and pageantry. Their pageants are created with the mature woman in mind; a woman who wants to have a good time, met new people, be recognized, and dispel the myths of aging.

The pageant will be held at 2:00 PM, June 28, 2014, at Florida State College at Jacksonville’s Kent Campus. Kumasi Aaron, of WJXT, News 4 Jax, is the Mistress of Ceremony.

Crystal is a local hair stylist with Tangles Salon, and a member of the Fernandina Pirates Club where she makes many of her own costumes. Having participated in pageants as a teenager, she feels confident going into the Ms. Senior Jacksonville Pageant. Crystal said, “This pageant is a celebration to this part of my life. I’m excited that I can encourage and inspire other women my age that it’s okay to grow old gracefully, as long as your having fun doing it.” And you can believe she will be in good company with other vibrant, wise and beautiful senior contestants from Northeast Florida.

You can imagine what her talent routine will be by looking at the picture below. Crystal will impersonate Phyllis Diller and interact with the costumed characters seen here. Crystal styled the hair and make up, and hand crafted the apparel. So she will show off her dramatic talents in comedy, singing, cosmetology, sewing and costuming.

crystal-talent-senior-pageant
Pictured Left to Right: Mrs. Lovett, from Sweeny Todd; the Queen of Hearts, from Alice in Wonderland; The Dusty Maid, of The Carol Burnett Show; and Scarlett O’Hara, of Gone with the Wind.

The stages of the pageant are:
1) Personal Interview
2) Talent (2 minutes)
3) Evening Gown
4) Words of Wisdom, a 35 second speech.

…but only one of these Six Sensational Seniors will be a champion for senior women.

A Seasoned Affair has a history in the long term care industry and they deliver presentations on the ABCs of long term care, nursing home care, nursing care rights, how to choose a nursing home, and setting and maintainng your life goals.

For more information visit www.ASeasonedAffair.com.

Feedburner If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment below or subscribe to the feed to have future articles delivered to your e-mail and get the latest Amelia Island News, business, tourist activities and videos every morning!




SearchAmelia on TwitterYou can also choose to follow SearchAmelia on Twitter to get your daily updates!

Six Hundred Square Yards of Happiness

bakker's fietsThings have changed since we were young someone remarked recently. It came kind of as the conclusion to a conversation about food home deliveries. Working on our AmeliaBites.com website I had noticed how many restaurants these days offer take out delivery so when someone asked me, “What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?”, I must have looked a bit dumbfounded. After a couple of seconds I said: “We didn’t have fast food when I was growing up,” I informed him. “All the food was slow.”

“C’mon, seriously. Where did you eat?”
“It was a place called home,” I explained. “Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn’t like what was put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it. And that could be the next morning or lunch.”

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn’t tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. And no there was no TV blaring

Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I hadn’t been afraid that his system could not handle it:
• My parents never drove me to school (or even Kindergarten!). The walk to school was through the neighborhoods, what must have been a little less than 2 miles. I walked there after breakfast, walked back home at lunch time, back to school for 2pm classes and played my way back home after classes were over at 4pm. Sometime in 3rd Grade I got a bicycle that had one speed: slow. If it was too cold or snowy, I walked.• We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 9. It was black and white, reception was done with rabbit ears and the station went off the air at 11pm, after playing the national anthem and a religious message. It came back on the air at about 9 a.m. and there was usually news to begin the day followed by women’s exercise and domestic care programs.
• I remember listening to the World Cup soccer on the radio and the highlights of the year in broadcasting were the rivalry soccer game between Holland and Belgium and the daily results of the Tour de France.
• I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen to make sure people weren’t already using the line. But I still remember our phone number 5805!
• Pizzas were not known to us as fast food, unless on our summer vacation trips to Italy, and certainly not delivered to our home… but milk and eggs were and our baker bicycle delivered personally our favorite breads and cookies on Tuesday and Saturday afternoon. His customer route into our neck of the woods encompassed about 30 miles of cycling. His name was Bakker Mueller. Harrie Pasmans was our milkman who brought fresh milk and eggs every morning before 7am, horse and wagon and all. He lived about 300 yards to the right of us. About three hundred yards to the left was Farmer Roumans, whose horse and wagon delivered fresh fruits and vegetables before noon every day. I dream off the days that white asparagus freshly out of the ground, an inch or more in diameter, were the culinary highlight on the dinner plate at home.  Topped with a special softly spiced real butter sauce and slices of hard boiled eggs I felt closer to Heaven in those days then ever since.• The butcher shop was 300 yards to the west and displayed an enormous delight of meats. Chickens were not sold in stores. If you wanted fresh chicken for dinner, you went into the coop and selected one for consumption. I personally can attest to the truth behind the expression “running around like a chicken without a head.”
• 300 Yards to the East, almost on the German border, was my grandparent’s home, just a short walk through the fields. If she had wanted to, mom could have watched us walk to our grandparents from the upstairs bedroom. She never did, she never had to. Safety was not an issue we had to concern ourselves with on a daily basis. Everyone in the neighborhood knew each other well and looked after us. It was 600 Square yards of pure, fresh, tasty, safe heaven on earth.
Yes things have changed since we were young!