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Comedian Amy Beckham Takes on Christmas in this Brief Video

Comedian Amy Beckham gives a group of friends sitting around a camp fire her humorous take on Christmas – Christmas carols, christmas traffic and more.

Amy’s comedy is energetic and lighthearted with subject matters ranging from marriage to children to diets. As an optometrist, wife, and mother, Amy is provided with an endless supply of comic material.

Comedian Amy Beckham’s Take on Election 2016

Just in time for Election 2016, local Comedian Amy Beckham offered her poetic take on the presidential candidates.

Amy Beckham is the optometrist at the Yulee Mall, better known as the Super Walmart. Most of the people I know use her as their eye doctor, including my entire family, BUT – did you know she is also a stand-up comedian? I had the pleasure of catching her show at the Amelia Musical Playhouse theatre on Amelia Island Saturday evening, and she gave me permission to film and share a portion of that show… this 3 1/2 minute take on Election 2016 is sure to put a smile on your face!

To learn more about Amy, please visit: AmyBeckham.com

Ettiquette in the Digital, Laser and LED Age

I must admit, I’ve been considering writing this piece for quite some time, but after getting yet another business text after 10:00 p.m. on a Saturday night, I decided it was time to discuss some guidelines and etiquette relevant to the digital age.

Keep Business-to-Business Contacts During Business Hours
Most business hours are Monday thru Friday, from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., but with social media and digital communication, you can literally “do your job” anytime of the day or night. BUT – when you are communicating with co-workers, keep in mind that business should normally be conducted during business hours.

When my phone goes off at 3 O’clock in the morning, it scares the Hell out of me. I jump out of bed, trip over the dog and stub my toe on the dresser only to find out that a co-worker has finally figured out how to sort data on an electronic spreadsheet. “Yay!”

I also have clients that feel it is acceptable to call me on a Sunday morning at 11:00 a.m. – only to find out I forgot to silence my phone at church; neither are okay.

If it is 8:00 p.m. and you call my cell phone you can expect me to have just finished dinner, had a cocktail or two, and I am likely watching a movie, splashing around the swimming pool, or doing household chores. This is not the time to reach me for business.

Using Only a Facebook Event Page for Party Invitations
Not everyone is on facebook, so you may not reach all of your intended guests… enough said.

Texting Thank You Cards
Is it okay to send a text “Thank you” for a gift your received? Only if it is the last gift you want to receive from someone. If I take the time to buy you a gift, even if it was online and drop-shipped in a gift-wrapped box, then I expect you to take the time to either send me a thank you card, or pick up the phone and call me. But call me outside of Monday thru Friday, from 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., this is a personal call, not business.

Before cell phones and the age of digital communications, laser printers, and LEDs, there was no grey area. You called your friends at home, not at work… and your collegues and co-workers dealt with you at work, rarely calling you at home.

Should You Accept Your Boss’s “Friend” Request?
No, and your boss should be demoted for making such a request.

Using Social Media for important life events
Can I share my friend’s wedding pictures on social media?
This is a tricky one. First – the bride should ALWAYS be the FIRST one to post wedding pictures on social media. IF she is using a professional photographer, you may have to wait days before you can post any pictures.

This is why it gets tricky: if one picture gets sent to a relative who couldn’t make the wedding, or a collegue who was out of town, they ALSO must be informed NOT to share the picture on social media. If just one picture is leaked… well, game over!

This is the same rule of ettiquette for births! NO pictures of the baby should be distributed until Mom says it is okay to do so. Period!

Death announcements should also be handled with a great deal of respect, and restraint, when it comes to social media.

Learn to use the BCC Feature on Mass Emails
When you send an email there are three sections for the intended addressee. One is “To”, one is “CC”, and the other (apparently hidden) is the “BCC”.

“To” is for your intended recipient, usually a single person.
“CC” is for a second, third or more recipient of a group, a “c”arbon “c”opy. Every recipient will see every email address of everyone addressed. This is fine for groups like a family email, or an inter-office message.
“BCC” is “B”lind “C”arbon “C”opy, use this when you don’t want to disclose the personal and private email addresses of everyone on your list. Everyone on the list will receive the identical email, but email addresses won’t be disclosed.

On this topic, it is not cool to add email addresses to a mailing list without permission. Their are anti-spam laws (CAN-SPAM Act) in the United States, governed by the Federal Trade Commission, that applies to all commercial messages, with penalties of up to $16,000, but that is another article entirely.

When to Turn-off or Silence Your Phone
On the airplane
In a funeral
At a wedding
In most hospital rooms
At the theatre
In Church (see above)

However, it may be acceptable to use an online version of the King James Bible while sitting in the pew, just make sure you are not texting friends, checking scores, or especially frowned upon at church: looking at porn.

Many concerts won’t let you use your phone while the main performer is on stage. I recently saw Comedian Amy Schumer and the security guards at Veterans Memorial Arena in Jacksonville made sure phones remained off. Is it that the phones are disruptive to other concert goers, or is it about the money? On jaxevents.com, regarding Kevin Hart’s show in April, also held at the Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Arena, the site said, “• NO PHOTO, NO AUDIO, NO VIDEO! • NO CELL PHONE USE DURING THE PERFORMANCE! This includes, but not limited to, texting, tweeting, talking, photos, and/or video. Patrons who violate these rules put forth by the show, will be escorted out of the venue. NO REFUNDS!”
(Okay, but its going to be very hard to keep them all away.)

GPS Tracking and Lying about your Location
You may not know this, but there is a feature on your phone that lets you track the location of your friends and family. Remember this BEFORE you lie about your location.

I’m sure there are many more topics on this LED Age of Ettiquette that I have left out, so I’ll reserve the possiblity of a Part II in the future. If there are any that I’ve left out, feel free to send me your pet peeves via email or facebook, or private message of course if appropriate.

An Earworm is a Song That Gets Stuck in Your Head

Have you ever found yourself with a song “stuck in your head”. No matter what you try, you just can’t seem to shake it! This catchy little ditty is often called an earworm.

Often it is created from a song you just heard. Perhaps you were driving to the grocery store, and once inside, you find yourself pushing the shopping cart to Everybody Have Fun Tonight, by Wang Chung. What can be worse than that? A song you like even less such as the Silver Convention’s West German Euro disco hit with likely the most agonizing lyrics in the history of music… maybe even all time – the song: Fly Robin Fly.

According to folks who research this, nearly 98% of people have had this happen. Popular earworms according to Professor James J. Kellaris, PhD, of the University of Cincinnati, include Chili’s Baby Back Ribs jingle, and the Baha Men song Who Let the Dogs Out. Kelleris said songs with lyrics come in first as being stuck, then commercial jingles, and finally instrumental pieces, or tunes without words.

Here is a top-ten list of earworms from his studies:
1. Other. Everyone has his or her own worst earworm.
2. Chili’s “Baby Back Ribs” jingle.
3. “Who Let the Dogs Out”
4. “We Will Rock You”
5. Kit-Kat candy-bar jingle (“Gimme a Break …”)
6. “Mission Impossible” theme
7. “YMCA”
8. “Whoomp, There It Is”
9. “The Lion Sleeps Tonight”
10. “It’s a Small World After All”

Also, he found, earworms irrated women more significantly than men, and episodes were for frequent and lasted long for musicians and music lovers. (“Slightly neurotic people also seemed to suffer more.”)

I get them all of the time! Let’s go with the reason is because I love music, though some may describe me as slightly neurotic – especially do to my life’s recent events.

While there is no known cure for this burrowing menace, many people try to finish the song in an attempt to get rid of it. My daughter can not remember the lyrics past the part that gets stuck in her head. I simply turn on the radio and find a better song when the earworms irritate me.

How do Court Recorders Keep a Straight Face?

I enjoy posting the Sunday Funnies, not only do they make me smile, but from time to time I actually learn something. In the following humor piece, I am reminded how often it is we should think before we open our mouth.

I’m not really sure who sent me this one, but it made me laugh. The original author is unknown.

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Carol”?
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral…
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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A farmer had Five Female Pigs

I know its been awhile since we’ve posted a Sunday funny, so here is one sent to me by my mother. It sure put a smile on my face; we hope you enjoy it, too. The original author is unknown.

Times were hard, so a farmer who had five female pigs decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.

The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon , (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, “How will I know if they are pregnant?”

The other farmer replied, “If they’re lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they’re pregnant. If they’re lying in the mud, they’re not.”

The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.

The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called his wife, “Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass.”

“Neither,” yelled his wife, “They’re in the station wagon, and one of them is honking the horn.”

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Aging Wisdoms from the World Wide Web

Here are some wise words that come with aging sent to me by my wonderful mother; they are too good not to share. The original author is unknown.

Aging Wisdoms

1. I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.

2. Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.

3. I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

4. My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

5. The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

6. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini vacation.

7. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.

8. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!

9. When the kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.

10 . At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

The Royal Fishing Trip

The Royal Fishing TripWe hope you enjoy the story of the “Royal Fishing Trip.” The original author is unknown.

Royal Fishing Trip

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.

On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area”.

The king was polite and considerate, he replied, “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional, and I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way.” So they did.

A short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the weatherman at once! Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain.” So instead, the King hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions… and this practice continues to this very day.

Iowa Farm Story

Iowa Farm StoryHere is a funny story for your Sunday enjoyment… well, unless you are a Hillary Clinton fan, then, you may NOT enjoy it. The original author is unknown.

The Iowa Farm Story

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising home along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t. The aged cow was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened and pay them for the cow. She stayed in the car making phone calls.

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

“What happened to you,” asked Hillary?

“Well,” the driver replied, “the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me.”

“What did you tell them?” asked Hillary.

The driver replied, “I just stepped inside the door and said, ‘I’m Hillary Clinton’s driver and I’ve just killed the old cow.’ The rest happened so fast I couldn’t stop it.”

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The Gray-Haired Geezer Movement

The Gray-Haired Geezer MovementThis was sent to me by more than one of my friends and family members who are a little bit older than me. In fact, I also received this from my mother – whose birthday is today. “Happy Birthday, Mom. I love you!!!” (Yes, I’ll admit it; my mom reads my blogs.) Apparently, there is a gray-haired, geezer movement in progress that “we”, as a nation, should be paying attention to. The original author is unknown.

The typical U.S. household headed by a person age 65 or older has a net worth 47 times greater than a household headed by someone under 35, according to an analysis of census data released last month.

They like to refer to us as senior citizens, old fogies, geezers, and in some cases dinosaurs. Some of us are “Baby Boomers” getting ready to retire. Others have been retired for some time. We walk a little slower these days and our eyes and hearing are not what they once were. We worked hard, raised our children, worshiped our God and grew old together. Yes, we are the ones some refer to as being over the hill, and that is probably true. But before writing us off completely, there are a few things that need to be taken into consideration.

In school we studied English, history, math, and science which enabled us to lead America into the technological age. Most of us remember what outhouses were, many of us with firsthand experience. We remember the days of telephone party-lines, 25 cent gasoline, and milk and ice being delivered to our homes. For those of you who don’t know what an icebox is, today they are electric and referred to as refrigerators. A few even remember when cars were started with a crank. Yes, we lived those days.

We are probably considered old fashioned and out-dated by many. But there are a few things you need to remember before completely writing us off. We won World War II, fought in Korea and Viet Nam. We can quote The Pledge of Allegiance, and know where to place our hand while doing so. We wore the uniform of our country with pride and lost many friends on the battlefield. We didn’t fight for the Socialist States of America; we fought for the “Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.” We wore different uniforms, but carried the same flag. We know the words to the Star Spangled Banner, America, and America the Beautiful by heart, and you may even see some tears running down our cheeks as we sing. We have lived what many of you have only read in history books and we feel no obligation to apologize to anyone for America.

Yes, we are old and slow these days but rest assured, we have at least one good fight left in us. We have loved this country, fought for it, and died for it, and now we are going to save it. It is our country and nobody is going to take it away from us. We took oaths to “defend America against all enemies, foreign and domestic”, and that is an oath we plan to keep. There are those who want to destroy this land we love but, like our founders, there is no way we are going to remain silent.

It was mostly the young people of this nation who elected Obama and the Democratic Congress. You fell for the “Hope and Change” which in reality was nothing but “Hype and Lies.”

You youngsters have tasted socialism and seen evil face to face, and have found you don’t like it after all. You make a lot of noise, but most are all too interested in their careers or “Climbing the Social Ladder” to be involved in such mundane things as patriotism and voting. Many of those who fell for the “Great Lie” in 2008 are now having buyer’s remorse. With all the education we gave you, you didn’t have sense enough to see through the lies and instead drank the ‘Kool-Aid.’ Now you’re paying the price and complaining about it. No jobs, lost mortgages, higher taxes, and less freedom.

This is what you voted for and this is what you got. We entrusted you with the Torch of Liberty and you traded it for a paycheck and a fancy house.

Well, don’t worry youngsters, the Grey-Haired Brigade is here, and in 2016 we are going to take back our nation. We may drive a little slower than you would like, but we get where we’re going, and in 2016 we’re going to the polls by the millions!

This land does not belong to the man in the White House nor to the likes of Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Eric Holder. It belongs to “We the People” and “We the People” plan to reclaim our land and our freedom. We hope this time you will do a better job of preserving it and passing it along to our grandchildren. So the next time you have the chance to say the Pledge of Allegiance, Stand up, put your hand over your heart, honor our country, and thank God for the old geezers of the “Gray-Haired Brigade.”

Can you feel the ground shaking??? It’s not an earthquake, it is a STAMPEDE!

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What Religion is Your Bra?

What Religion is Your Bra?I know it has been a few weeks since I posted a piece of Sunday Humor… enjoy! (The original author is unknown.)

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, “I’d like to buy a bra for my wife.”

“What type of bra?” asked the clerk.

“Type?” inquires the man, “There’s more than one type?”

“Look around,” said the sales lady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. “Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.”

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The sales lady replied, “There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?”

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.

The Sales lady responded, “It is all really quite simple.

The Catholic type supports the masses; the Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.”

If you enjoyed that, here’s a bonus for you:
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes?

If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can’t Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

Oh, they forgot the German bra… holtzemfromfloppen!

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Seek Advice From Bartenders, Not a Shrink

Seek Advice From Bartenders, Not a ShrinkMy mother sent me this interesting perspective on why you should seek real advice from a good bartender rather than a shrink. The original author is unknown.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So, I went to a shrink for advice about my problem.

I told him, “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?” I asked.

“Eighty dollars per visit”, replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it”, I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480. A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I bought myself a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he continued, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?

“Simple. He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

So, forget the shrinks. Have a drink and talk to a bartender. Besides, it’s always better to get a second opinion.

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Sunday’s Religious Musings

Sunday's Religious MusingsHere’s another fun read I received in my inbox earlier this month. The original author of these religious musings is unknown.

During these serious and troubled times, people of all faiths should remember these Four great truths:
1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God’s Chosen People.
2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at the liquor store.

GOOD SAMARITAN
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible – Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task – but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation. Ricky was so nervous, when it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

UNANSWERED PRAYER
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. “Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”
“How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.

BEING THANKFUL
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”
Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!”

SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. “Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother.
“I don’t need to,” the boy replied.
“Of course, you do” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”
“That’s at our house.” Johnny explained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook.”

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The Haircut, A Sunday Piece of Inspiration

The Haircut, A Sunday Piece of InspirationThe following is another great Sunday read about The Haircut, however, the original author is not known. Enjoy!

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a “thank you” card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a “thank you” card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I can not accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

…and that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Ronald Reagan said, “Both politicians and diapers need to be changed often, and for the same reason!”

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A Short But Complicated Exam

The urge to complicate things

The urge to complicate things

The following short exam only has four questions, rather complicated I may add, but the results say a lot about your thinking processes and mental alertness. Be honest and don’t even glance at the answers, before you answer the questions.

Question 1: How would you put a giraffe in the refrigerator?

The correct answer is:

Open the refrigerator’s door, push the giraffe inside and close the door.

This question tests your tendencies to look for complicated solutions for simple tasks

Question 2: How would you put an elephant in the refrigerator?

If you answered: Open the refrigerator, push the elephant in and close the door, than your answer is wrong!

The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, take the giraffe out, push the elephant in and close the door.

This question focuses on your capacity to consider consequences of previous actions.

Question 3: The King of the jungle, the lion, is throwing a party. All the animals in the jungle are present, except for one. Which animal does not attend the party?

The correct answer is the Elephant.

You do remember that the elephant is still in the refrigerator, don’t you?

Obviously this question was testing for your memory.

OK, if your answers so far are less than satisfying, you have one more chance to proof yourself a capable, intelligent person.

Question 4: You have to cross a deep and wide river where lots of crocodiles live. How are you going to do this?

Correct answer: you swim relaxed and quietly to the other side. You want to know why?
Because all the crocs are attending the lion’s party in the jungle.

This question tests your capacity to learn from previous mistakes.

Note: Don’t be too frustrated. 90% of all people participating in this exam, have all questions wrong.
Interestingly enough however, children that have had no contact with formal education yet, answer most questions correctly.

Have a great Sunday!