This santa is a Karen Didion Pirate Santa.
Karen Didion Pirate Santa
By: K. A. Mertz, Jr, of the Fernandina Pirates Club, Inc.
T’was the night before Christmas
and all about the ship,
Even the Captain was laid back having a nip.
With our mugs filled with strong, tasty grog,
We pondered the hazards of burning a Yule Log.
Our stockings were hung by the cook’s fire pit,
Hoping St. Nicholas would not pass our ship.
Good Pirates we’ve been each day of the year,
We’ve plundered prey ships from far and from near.
We lopped off arms and stabbed into hearts,
When we were too close we loosed vicious farts.
We took all the goods, gems, silver and gold,
We took the last morsel they had in their hold.
Our appearance sent shivers up and down each spine,
As Pirates, we did our work so very fine.
We handled each gun and sword as our toys,
What more could you want from good little boys?
Three Fingers he sat there without any fears,
Around his neck a collection of ears.
Old Gimpy hobbled on one wooden leg,
He works for a living, refuses to beg.
Suddenly a noise roused this sleepy hoard,
“Santa’s coming in and wants to come aboard!”
We lept from our bunks after a quick weapons check,
Then shoved stuff around to provide a clear deck.
Out of the fog, Santa drew near,
We hope in his sack he had lots of cheer.
He circled the ship then came in real close,
Led by Rudolf’s bright, shiny nose.
In spite of the tossing and rolling blue sea,
His landing was perfect, as nice as can be.
We circled Saint Nick, a blade in each hand
Ready for action if he stiffed us again!
He leapt from his sleigh quite happy, not grugg,
“Ahoy there me hearties, I’ve brought you great stuff!”
For Andre’ he had a fine meerschaum pipe,
For Mike a new scope so he better could snipe.
The cook got mittens so his hands would not burn,
For the helmsman a compass to make better turns.
Old Lefty received a shiny new hook,
While the Captain got a thick, map-filled book.
At last he brought out a case of fine rum,
We cheered and shouted, so glad he had come!
Santa gave us a final, “Ho, ho, ho, ho!”
As he said, “It is now time to go.
May your plunders bring all the riches you need,
Just don’t give in to the evils of greed.
I’ll be back next year to see those still loose,
I hope you’ll avoid the Hangman’s noose.”
Then we heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
“A grand Pirate Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
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