My Favorite January Poem

This January Poem reads like a Morning After Story when it comes to New Year's Weight loss resolutions. Very funny.

Time for a Change

With all the diet and exercise hype going around I’d like to pass along a poem, which is a favorite of mine. It was obviously written by a woman, but there is a male version hidden somewhere in there between the lines.

I too have been trying to recover from our annual holiday eating experience and a year of too many hollow excuses for not doing what was supposed to have been done. Enjoy

A January Poem
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scale there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared,
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese,
And the way that I’d not said “No thank you, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself, as I only can,
“You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man!”
So away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruitcake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
‘Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie, not even a lick.
I’ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread or pie.
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore,
But isn’t that just what January’s for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet.
PS Sometimes the Animal Wins!!!

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